"Is it MC Hammer? No it’s MC CUNT. Tesco Whitstable"
We need to start seeing some biker revenge on this thing…
"Came across this sock-jockey in Warwick. To try and squeeze into a parking spot a retarded wombat could tell wasn’t big enough, he left a 5mm gap between himself and the car in front and his back wheels on the double yellows. Cunt."
Happens in our high street everyday. Front wheels are in! Doesn’t matter where the rest is. 100% LEGAL.
"Just down the road from me - pic taken through my bedroom window, as it goes."
Qashqais. The cars for fucktards who are too stupid or shit to buy a proper 4x4. Given this amount of road sense, I think we’re glad they don’t have anything bigger, actually.
This was today [date removed because this has been in our queue for sooo very long :(] at Heathfield East Sussex.
Ta-da! Like. A. Fucking. Glove.
"Loads of space on the parking row. Parks after it. Cunt."
Not to mention the zig-zags. Fucking rimcheese.
"Give me strength how fucking hard is it you lazy cunt !!"
We’re yet to meet an owner of one of these that can drive. A fucking Zafira pulled out on us this morning without looking. We should take solace that they’re going to kill themselves somehow, but it’s hardly fair on the other person involved in their collision.
"This car is always parked badly in Barnes, west London. Driver is clearly a cunt that can’t even feel a curb, let alone bouncing over a child!"
…we’re tempted to get some YPLAC ‘chocks’ made up. These can be simple wedge-shaped blocks of wood that you can stick under the back tyres of cunts. With a bit of luck they’ll try to drive off and think there’s something wrong with their car when they barely move. Handbrake still on? Nope? Brakes, faulty? Gearbox? Be even better if the cunts phone the RAC and get laughed at by a mechanic.
Fucking shit-stain in a VW Golf has parks across two of our company’s spaces in our small underground car park. No-one knows who the car belongs to so we can’t get it moved.
If we had any of our fab tickets on us, we’d plaster them all over the offending cuntmobile. Sadly, we’re remiss in keeping a stock about our person. A written note will have to suffice.
What to write though, that’s the question. We’re tempted to give it something along the lines of “YOU PARK LIKE A CUNT! FUCK OFF. MIGHT WANT TO CHECK YOUR DOOR-HANDLES FOR DOGSHIT”
Snappy, isn’t it? If you have any thoughts, or if you’ve written any similar notes recently, we’d love to hear about them.
YPLAC Chief Cuntstable
"McDonalds in Market Harborough, about 8am. Far too early for a BMW to park in a straight line, at least before he’s had his coffee and sacked someone by text from behind a Sausage McMuffin."